The train journey

My train departed at its regular time of 10:10 PM, as per the custom, I called my Mom to inform her that the train has departed and she would ask the same question, "By what time will you reach home?". Even though I have boarded the same train almost every month from the past 5 years and even when she knows the answer she still asks. Although we always have a generic start to our conversation, I try to bring variation in my answer every time, then if she has anything to tell me, she continues, else we hang up. She had something to inform me this time, listening to which I hung up immediately. Everything was going as usual, I climbed up to my upper berth, made my 'bed', set up the alarm for 6:45 AM right after the TT had done checking my ticket and doze off.

I woke up by my alarm the next morning, it was still a bit dark because of the foggy winter morning. From the screams of the tea-vendors and the motionless train, it struck me that we are at some station. My half alert brain made me think that we have reached our destination and I sprang up immediatly because of which I banged my head to the roof. While I was caressing my throbbing head I overheard someone saying out loud, that we are still 2 stations away and our train is 3 hours late. "Ah Winters!!", I said, using the same expression for my pain and the train. I had already had a nice share of sleep, so wanted to get down near the window. I noticed that the lower berth passengers had already left, but to sit comfortably (without banging my head anywhere) I needed one of the middle-seat passengers to be up. So I checked my diagonally opposite middle berth. That guy was still asleep, he had a smile on his face, which was contagious. I started wondering, what he must be dreaming about and why does he look so familiar. While I was lost in my thoughts, I forgot that I was unknowingly staring at him and suddenly he opened his eyes and caught me staring. I immediately looked away and lied down again, pretending nothing happened. I began thinking hard, from where do I know him. I divided my life into parts and questioned myself, 'Do I know him from school?', No, 'Do I know him from college?', No, 'Do I know him from office?', No. I wanted to look at his face once again, just to confirm whether I was not confusing him with someone else. So I turned around to have a stealthy glance but was caught in the crime again. This time I was really embarrassed. I unlocked my phone to divert my thoughts and dropped it first on my nose and then in the air. I closed my eyes to sadly hear the sound of phone dropping on the floor. To my surprise, that sound never came, I opened my eyes and turned to have a view of where did my phone go, it was in that guy's hand and I let out a sigh of relief. From his reflexes, I could deduce that he was staring at me while I was busy looking at my phone. He handed over the phone to me by stretching his hand and left his hand in the air requesting a handshake after I took the phone. His introduction became dramatic when he said, 'Hi, I am Rahul' and I completed his sentence after taking his hand stating, 'Naam to suna hi hoga'. I believe both of us blushed at that time.

Days later he texted me :

Rahul: what made you drop your phone that day?

Me: I had seen the picture of the guy whom my parents were considering for my marriage proposal, he was also coming to the town so my parents wanted me to see him.

Rahul: Was he that scary that you dropped your phone?

Me: No, he was cute.

Rahul: So did you meet him?

Me: No

Rahul: Why? And send me the picture of that 'cute' guy :P

I wanted to type, 'Are you jealous?', but I erased it. I don't know why, but I was having the butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling at that time. So I sent him the picture. His picture. After a long display of 'typing…..' .

Rahul: Are you kidding me? It was you who refused to meet me at the last moment. Why did you do that to me?

Me: Because our story would sound more interesting like this in the future.

That was our love story. Thank you. I was deafened by the big round of applause when I placed the mic down. Rahul took my hand and we commenced the dance of our 25th anniversary. We looked at each other, blinked and smiled, that was our way of saying 'I Love You'.

The Carnival

It had been ages since I had last visited the annual carnival with my family. I used to be crazy about it when I was a kid, but as you grow you tend to act mature. This year I was home during the carnival time. I don't know why I had this strong urge to visit the carnival again. I tried to convince everyone to join me, but thankfully nobody agreed. Over the years I had been in this situation many-a-times, hence learnt to be on my own. It didn't feel uncomfortable any more. So I decided to head for the carnival alone.
After reading 'The Alchemist' I have somehow become a strong believer of the 'message from the universe'. I had this feeling that I have to be there, something important is about to happen at that place, so it was good that I was heading alone, I can easily look for signals. I don't know whether it was because of excitement or anxiety, my heart started pounding making me further believe my gut feeling. As soon as I entered, I started looking for signals. It was a strange coincidence that there were multiple people in black robes. I thought it was some sort of re-creation of a movie which I had watched some time back, where a girl was able to spot the death-eaters at a carnival and tries to warn every one of the impending danger, but nobody believes her and ultimately a lot many people die because of a gas cylinder blast. I smirked at my imagination, thinking why would I be seeing death eaters, I don't have such supernatural powers. I just blew away that thought and moved towards the food stall. I bought my favourite dish and sat down with my chair facing the crowded ground. After watching the crowd for a while, I couldn't neglect the fact that there indeed were an unusually odd number of people wearing black robes. It kind of gave me a spooky feeling. My gaze started following one of the black robes, just to spot any suspicious activity. In order to keep a close watch, I started following the black robe, while maintaining a safe distance. That person had slowed down, as if aware of being followed by someone and started stopping by each stall to query about the available stuff. I was so engrossed in my detective activities that I accidentally banged into someone. I had to decide, whether to continue my search or help the person I just knocked down. I dropped the idea of following the black robe and decided to help the man get up, as if knocking him drove some sense into me. Unlike other people who frown on being knocked down, he happily took my hand instead. While he was getting up, a slight breeze exposed the rim of the knife which he was carrying in his side belt. Ideally, this sight would have scared me in the kind of situation I was, but his presence was surprisingly soothing. His smile was charismatic, I wondered whether he was trying to hypnotize me or what. I gathered my thoughts after a while and managed to say, " Are you ok?". To which he replied patting my back, " I am perfectly fine, and you don't worry, I'll take care of everything, you go home". I was like, why is some random stranger asking me to go home. I needed his picture, to warn the cops about any suspicious activity, but how do I convince him for a picture was a big question. I came up with a story, stating that he looked similar to one of my friend's sibling and requested for a selfie to show it to my friend. He looked at me as if he knew what I was doing and happily clicked a selfie with me. I thanked him and walked away maintaining my pace so that I do not attract attention. I went to the security section and narrated the story to the cops,  when the cop asked me for the picture, I took out my mobile to show it to him, but my mobile had stopped working, I wasn't sure about the battery status. The cops asked to describe the appearance of the man and assured me that they will look into the matter. Till that time, I was completely exhausted with my own thoughts so I left for my home.
I did not mention any of it to anyone at home, because a lot many things did not make any sense, plus they would stop allowing me to step out alone. Next morning, my Dad asked me about the carnival at the breakfast table, but before I could speak anything, he increased the volume of the television to hear the news. It was regarding the carnival, a predator was found stabbed near the boundary of the Carnival's kids play area. Nobody knew who killed the predator, though killing of the predator wasn't the right thing, but what would have happened, had the predator managed to attack the kid's zone. People were blessing the saviour of their kids. My dad looked questioningly at me, and asked whether I have any hint of it, I shook my head as a no and immediately rushed to my room to get my mobile. I tried switching it on again, it worked this time. I quickly opened the gallery to check the selfie which I had taken with the stranger. I couldn't believe what I saw, I just had a bright patch of light beside me in the picture.
I still wonder whether it was a flash defect or something else.
*This is a fictional work

The fear of unknown

The other day I was watching the movie Helicopter Ella. The movie triggered a chain of thoughts in my mind, so I'll begin with the incident itself which triggered this thought. The lead in this movie is Kajol who while observing the family tree of her husband accidentally highlights to him, that all the men in his family died in their 40's. The husband couldn't help resist the fact. He was in his late 30's and starts thinking that he has only a few years to live. So he decides to leave his wife and son to live the last few years of his life at his own will. Meanwhile, Kajol becomes an independent single mother whose whole life revolves around the 'son'. One day the son, who feels suffocated with his mom's excessive love and care, decides to confront her. He rushes back home and to his surprise finds his Dad back home after some 16 years. He very bluntly asks his dad to leave as he had learnt to survive without him. The son then consoles his mother stating that he finally understood that his mom was always afraid that he'll also die in his 40's, and admits having the similar fear of unknown. He also states that the best thing about his dad's visit was that he isn't afraid now because his father had crossed the doomed threshold already.

This was a movie and people can easily sideline it giving it a tag of fiction, but honestly speaking, I have lived this fear of unknown. I remember back in school I had this feeling that I was doomed and if I participated in any competition, even the winning team could lose. I considered myself bad luck, and year after year the results made me firmly believe in my perception. I never scored a first prize in my school life. I remember the incident which first sowed the seed of this belief. I had participated in the inter-house elocution for the first time. I gave a miserable performance due to stage fear, because of which my house stood third. The house mistress called me after the competition, she had this huge cane in her hand which scared me to death. She informed me that I was the lowest scorer in the entire competition and even though everyone else in my house performed well, they lost because of me. Though she had not hit me with the cane, her words had hit me hard. I chose never to step on the stage again and the thought that I can make a winning team lose stuck with me for my entire school life.

Now, did I ever step up the stage without any fear? Yes, I did. While I was in college, I was on a different mission altogether. The mission of exploring myself. I was one insane person who was seen auditioning for almost all sort of events during college fests. My agenda was to find out which activities I was good at and what new I can learn. Since my focus had shifted from winning or losing to discovering myself, I had eventually overcome the 'fear of unknown'. I came to be known as multi-talented and when I got my first ever first prize at college, that happiness is still beyond definition.

This was my story, you can share yours about how you overcame your fear of unknown. 

The Race

The other day, I asked a couple of my friends following question, "Suppose, you are running a race and are very close to the finish line, but then you realize that this isn't the race you wanted to be a part of. So, what do you do, do you finish the race or quit?". Both of them started their answer saying, "it totally depends on the kind of race", but one of them said she would complete the race and the other one said she would quit. Now, this doesn't mean the other one is a loser or the first one is a winner. Going back to their first statement, "it totally depends on the kind of race", makes them wise. When I asked this question to them, both of them imagined a race of their lives, wherein the first one found the end result of the race beneficial for her, hence she chose to complete. Whereas, the other found the end result of the race destructive for her, so she chose to quit. Hence both of them wisely chose their plan of action.

After talking to them, I sat down and analyzed the race which I was running, which had initially triggered this question. To decide whether I should finish the race or quit, I had to answer 4 basic questions about my race:

1. What kind of race it is?
2. Who are my competitors?
3. What is the end result, good, bad or unknown?
4. Is this race really important to me?

Once I had the answer to the above questions, I knew what I had to do. But, during this process, I learnt that in this competitive world, sometimes it is ok to slow down, maybe to think or just to regain the energy to run again. And it is not necessary to participate in each competition life throws at you, we need to choose our races wisely. 

What does it taste like?

I was just casually texting a friend and both of us just wanted to take a break and do absolutely nothing. That simple conversation triggered a question in my mind, that how does 'doing nothing' fix things? Does it actually work?

Then I went back to thinking about the instances where doing nothing fixed things for me, well fixed is the wrong term 'sort' should be the term. I realized that all this works on a demand vs supply mechanism. When things get monotonous for us, we tend to get away from the monotony, but don't really know whether we want to come back to it or not. Hence, we work towards deprivation or deviation. We try to deviate ourselves from that one thing which is causing monotony in our lives. We enjoy the change, sometimes love it. But after some time maybe we want to come back to our regular routine, or maybe not. If former is the case, then we are just bored and need a break, but if latter is the case then we may need to change the direction as whatever 'monotonous' stuff we were doing was maybe not we actually ever wanted to do and have still not developed a liking for same.

Basically, we mentally cut down the supply of regular stuff and create a demand for same. If the demand is not back, then we should understand that we had a surplus supply of something which we never needed at the first place and then decide how to deal with it.

Drawing a parallel to what I tried to explain above, I would just quote an incident. One of my friends was on a strict no-sugar diet. She had been able to gracefully pull it off for 3 months straight and was proud of it. But there are times when we lose control over our emotions or give up to our cravings. It was one of those days for her, she was upset at the lunch table because her presentation had not gone well. Just to change the topic I offered her the sweet of the day which used to be her favourite. I knew she would refuse as usual, but I never gave up on trying to break her no-sugar diet. To my surprise, she accepted it that day and placed whole of the sweet in her mouth at once. I thought maybe she is reacting in annoyance, but she had closed her eyes right after placing it in her mouth. We could observe her slowly chewing it and her frown turning into a smile. When she opened her eyes, I questioned her 'What does it taste like?', she could barely speak because her mouth was full, but the twinkle in her eyes had my answer.

Those were just my thoughts, let me know your thoughts about why and how do we break the monotony?

The phone call

Some incidents completely change our life, mostly for our good. Someday when we reflect back, we think 'what if it never happened? How would my life have been?'. One such life turning event for me was a phone call.

The story goes back to my post-college days, I wasn't campus placed and had returned home jobless. I had lost hopes in my skills and saw myself as a failure (Yes, I was that low in confidence). My life was not exactly going by my plan, my goal was to repay my education loan all by myself and get off the debt ASAP (Little did I know then, that it helps in tax saving :P). Well, I continued studying my subjects and signed up for some classes, but was not sure whether it was to crack any higher study exam or an interview. Hence, I lacked the required focus. 2 months later, I got a message from a friend about a walk-in interview in my town, which many of my batch-mates were attending. I decided to go for the interview against my parent's will. My dad did not want me to lose focus from my studies and wait for the result from the colleges in which I had applied (with my poor score). I did not have any expectation of being accepted anywhere, but my Dad thought I was much more capable than I see myself and should not appear for an interview for a company which he has never heard of (That is the beauty of parenting, you always find your child a star). But all I wanted to do at that time was to start earning.

I managed to crack that interview, but my father placed a condition that if I get selected in a college I'll have to study. I agreed because I knew what was going to happen. My father was certainly not happy seeing me working 10 hours a day, for 6 days in a week for mere 7000 bucks, but because programming made me happy, which was certainly evident in my changed behaviour, he kept mum. Now you may think, the jobless got the job, but where does the phone call come into the picture. (Picture abhi baki hai mere dost :D)

I started earning (and learning), but 7000 bucks were not enough for my goal. After getting my second salary I sat down to calculate, how long will it take for me to repay the loan with this salary (Pessimist plans). My calculations scared me. I was no more at peace, the happiness of the job was lost somewhere. I had to look for an alternate option but was completely clueless. After spending 2 more months thinking about this problem, I got a message from a friend. There was a mass recruitment drive for my batch pass-outs for an MNC in next 2 days (Sat) and my scores satisfied the eligibility criteria. The drive was 500 km away from my town. But, the problem for me was that my Saturdays were working and when I checked the train options, no ticket was available at such short notice. So I did not even tell anyone at home about the interview. (As usual, I was acting hopeless). Next morning the same friend called me to check whether I was going for the interview or not (Friends know you too well). I told that train tickets were not available, so I dropped the idea. She literally started shouting at me, that I am a fool who is skipping an interview because a ticket is not available. She asked me to check other options for transport and firmly told me to go for that interview. That scolding literally blew me away, I wasn't used to such scolding from anyone apart from my parents. I hung up saying that I'll see what can be done. But in my mind I was pretty sure I was not going, because if I have to reach for the interview on time, I have to be in that town by next day and it was already 10 PM in the night, I won't get any other mean and road transportation was very risky for me to travel alone, that to be to the city which was already in news for a major rape case. But, that phone call made me feel helpless and it soon turned into restlessness. Next morning, my dad asked what was bothering me, I told him the whole story and he ended up saying 'take a flight'. I stared at him for a few seconds out of shock. (Being in a middle-class family, you don't even think about flight and that to a flight being booked at such a short notice, it costs a fortune.) After some time I managed to say, you must be kidding. He looked into my eyes and said that if it is that important to me then I should go for the interview. (Not going for it is was clearly not making me happy.) But I turned down his offer and left for office. While driving to the office I was cursing myself that why did I waste so much time, and dragged the situation to such an extent. If at all I have to go for the interview now,  flight is the only option left. 

I called dad at around 2 PM, he asked me whether I was ok, I said yes and asked him to book my flight.

Well, I got through that interview and am doing well since then, yes the flight cost me my one month's salary at that time. How I managed to reach my interview centre and got through is another adventurous story altogether. But now when I reflect back, I think I wouldn't have made till here if my friend had not called (read scolded) me that day. And of course, my dad also has a key role to play. Through this, I want to thank you two for turning my life for greater good :). Thank you so much.  

On Cloud 9

As a kid, whenever I used to watch the cloudy sky, I wondered how would it feel to be on the clouds. They appeared so much fluffy and thanks to my imagination, I imagined myself bouncing up and down and sliding from one cloud to the other.

The fact that I can jump on the clouds remained with me even when I saw cloud layer below our flight. The only change was that as a grown-up I was now sure that getting near the clouds was achievable. But jumping out of the window to bounce on the cloud was not, until and unless I go for sky-diving :D.

Thankfully, I got a chance to get my facts corrected and I feel blessed to witness that eternal beauty which I cannot get out of my mind.

So this summer I traveled to Chopta, an offbeat destination in Uttrakhand, which has the highest abode of Lord Shiva in the form of Tungnath temple.

 As usual I was sleeping in the car because I wanted to preserve my energy for the place where we were actually headed for(I get tired easily, so have to work in energy saver mode :P). Journey had been long, slow songs were playing, everyone was quite, therefore a perfect setup to sleep. I don't remember for how long I had been sleeping, but woke up with the sudden hustle bustle in the cab. Everyone was in awe of something, but what?

I tried to look outside the window. It was a struggle going from half opened eyes to the moment where I don't want to blink them anymore. There was a layer of clouds running beside me. My heart throbbed with excitement, because this time I had the option to get down of the car and see how it looks like, how it feels. My cab driver was also amazed and we noticed he was looking off the road, which scared us as hell. So we all had to bring our focus back to the road, where we saw that we had a cloud in our way, which means we'll have to cross it. My excitement doubled, as what would it be like, passing through the cloud. (PS: I was sleeping while that happened on the flight). So we were getting closer to the cloud, it got a little foggy for a while and then clear again. Bam! Where is the cloud, did we just cross that? This was my reaction when I looked at the rear window, leaving the cloud behind. My childhood dream was just shattered, but a magic was created in the moment. I had just crossed the clouds in "waking" state. How many people actually get to witness that!

We got down after a while to get a better view. This is what we saw.

I remember describing the feeling to my Dad, though it looked like fog, but I felt as fresh as a leaf in the morning dew. The clouds did not just touch my skin, they touched my soul. I was surely on cloud 9.

Someone heard me

I am a morning person and love to watch sunrise. I was too excited to watch the sunrise at Kanyakumari , the southern tip of India, a place known for its sunrise and sunset over the ocean. Excitement was such, that I was not able to sleep at night. All night I kept on imagining how it would look like. What peace and satisfaction it would bring to me was already reflecting in the broad smile on my face. I just tried to contain my excitement because I wanted to save my best self to enjoy the view.

We were staying at Vivekanand Ashram and were told that the ashram has its own private area which is suitable for sunrise view. We had no idea how far the spot was from where we were staying, all we knew that we have to be at the spot by 5:45 AM. With the onset of dawn we were running on the streets looking for sign board for sunrise point. On the way we heard a peacock. My eyes immediately started scanning the surrounding to look for one. Somehow I feel lucky after seeing a peacock, but the twilight could only give me a view of a sign-board which read Peacock Sanctuary. Immediately my inner self was dancing that I'll get to see a peacock as well. My sleepy eyes were now wide open and a secret wish cropped up, to watch a peacock dance (which I had never seen before). I looked up at the sky to do a quick weather check, as I have heard that they dance when it is cloudy or rainy. The sky was clear and my concentration was back on sunrise point sign-board.

We finally reached there, but it appeared as a no man land, with a white wall blocking the sea-view. Weird thoughts started cropping up, that if the sunrise is so known why wasn't anyone there to watch it. It wasn't even that dark, so surely we weren't early. I quickly checked my left, which was east direction. I could see a big black tank with a golden outline. It was like "Chan se jo toote koi sapna" kind of moment.

Disappointment was evident on my face. We were at the wrong point and our sunrise view was blocked, that is why nobody else was there. I felt like crying because that was the only day we had in Kanyakumari and by the time we would head for the actual point we might already miss the sunrise. We decided to stay. I tried standing on varying heights just to get a glimpse. After some time, some people started showing up. A gate through the wall was opened  and we were allowed to go near the sea. As soon we passed through the gate we saw stony structures which made their way into the sea.

My hopes rose again, that if we made to the end point we might see something beautiful. We started running. My foot wears were sinking in the wet sand making it difficult to run.  I took them off, even though the shells hurt my foot, I ran as fast as I could, towards my destination.

We reached near the tip and my eyes glued to east direction. I sat down looking into the empty sky with fast paced waves splashing the rocks and occasionally able sprinkle on me. It was as if they were trying to grab my undivided attention from the sky.

When it started becoming bright, it became very evident that we missed the sunrise, even if we had been at the other point, the clouds would have hidden it. Even though everything around me was beautiful and peaceful, I was restless. I closed my eyes and asked the universe why did it happen. The answer was, " If you don't have unfinished business over here, you won't come back . Do come again, it is a beautiful place. For now enjoy this". In my imagination I could see a rainbow forming around the light which we were able to see in the east. I immediately had a smile on my face and thanked God for the real-like imagination. When I opened my eyes, my imagination was live. I couldn't believe it, I asked my friend to confirm whether she was able to see the rainbow as well or not. It felt like magic.

My restlessness had ended. I was in the moment, full of life.

We were asked to vacate the area in an hour as the only entry door was being closed. We headed back towards our room. The euphoria had made me forget about the peacock watch-list. But someone had decided to surprise me :D. I heard the peacock again and when I turned towards the sound I saw a peacock flaunting its spread.

I was amazed, I looked up with welled eyes and mouthed a silent thank you. My cheeks paining, unable to contain my over-excited smile. My friends  gave me a puzzled look and all I could say, someone heard .