Th Family Tree

 I was a teacher at primary school. I wanted to start the session with some ice-breaker activities, and thought family tree would be a great start. I gave the activity as a homework.

Next day there was a hustle in the class, everyone hopping and glancing at each other's tree. Some had huge joint family listed, some nuclear families of 3 or more. Someone even listed out his dog as his brother. Fair enough. But there was one kid in the class who had a blank tree, I went up to him and gently asked, "Did you forget doing your homework?". He nodded his head in a no and kept staring at the tree. "Where are the pictures of your parents" ? I asked after a long pause.
"I don't have a family", he mumbled. Everyone in the class fell silent, I understood there was something I was missing. Before I could say something, his friend pasted his own picture on his tree and said "Never say that, I am your family". Just like that other kids too came up and pasted their pictures. I just watched them silently.
I thought I was the teacher, in reality they taught me a lesson.

The other gift

I could hear someone humming a song in the kitchen. I came downstairs and saw mom doing a tap dance along with singing while cooking breakfast. This was an unusual sight, I pinched myself just to confirm. I quietly entered the kitchen and sat down on the stool in the corner. Mom noticed me after a while and smiled, "there you are, my birthday boy!" She came towards me and kissed my forehead and rubbed my hair. 

I hugged her tight and said, "thank you! And I love this version of yours". "What version! I am always this excited about your birthdays," mom said defensively. "I know there is something more than my birthday, what is it? ". "Guilty as charged," mom laughed raising her hands in the air. "Your Grana is coming, I'll be seeing her after 11 years, hence…. Anyway her presence is a cherry on the cake " and she swirled on one foot. I could just mouth a wow, just then the doorbell rang. She literally rushed to open the door, just like I do when I know she is at the door. I followed her.

It was Grana, mom just threw herself on her, I could feel the excitement built up, but then mom's excitement dropped like a ball thrown in the air. I couldn't decipher what happened. She just turned and asked me to help Grana with her luggage. The very first thing which she handed me over was my birthday gift. It looked like an instrument case. I gently thanked her. I was seeing her for the first time, and after what just happened, I wasn't sure how to welcome her. I carried her luggage in and then sat down with my gift.

Nana smiled and said, "aren't you excited to open your gift?". I hesitantly opened the gift, it was a ukulele. "Thanks Grana, but I don't know how to play it". "You'll rock at it son, it's in your blood", she brushed my hair, just like mom did this morning. I went into the kitchen to show it to mom and playfully strung it. Mom almost froze at the sight of it.

------------x------------   

I woke up dazzled by some rock music. I don't remember when I dozed off talking to Nana. I checked my side, she was missing from her bed. I listened closely, the sound seemed to be of the ukulele. Why is Nana playing the ukulele in the middle of the night? I went downstairs, only to notice Nana sneaking around at the doorway. I was intrigued that if Nana was here who was playing. I silently took the other side of the door and my jaw dropped, I saw mom's fingers dancing on the ukulele. The music was so enticing that I didn't realize that my shoulders were dancing. I looked at Nana, she had the same effect and was smiling brightly. The music stopped suddenly. Nana grabbed my hand and pulled me back, signalling me to stay quiet. Then I heard mom crying, I wanted to go and check on her, but Nana tightened her grip and dragged me upstairs.

"Your mom needs some time, we need to leave her alone", she said as soon as we entered the room. "But I don't understand, she never mentioned she could play the ukulele and then suddenly she is playing like a Rockstar" 

Nana took a huge sigh and began, "Your mom is a gifted ukulele player. She didn't undergo any training and was just natural. I was afraid that she was spending too much time with music, so I took it away. She resisted but eventually gave in. I did not realize back then what else I was taking away from her along with her music. When I did, I tried to bring it back into her life on multiple occasions, but she refused. Then you guys moved abroad. I thought that at least you should have the gift of music on your birthday, just like we gave it to her on her 11th birthday". "Seems like your trick worked this time", I tried to cheer her up. She was short of words, she just hugged me and then we both laid down on our beds engrossed in our own thoughts.

The next morning everyone behaved as if nothing happened. Elders are very complex to understand. I left for my school. When I returned, I couldn't find anyone at home, "Mom! Dad! Nana! Where are you guys?". Then I heard the same music from last night, I walked to the backyard. Mom was playing the ukulele again, and everyone sat around her enticed by the magic of her music. Nana noticed me, she grabbed my hand and whispered to me, "I am sorry your mom hijacked your gift, I'll get you another one". "It's ok, I am happy with the other gift you brought for me", I whispered back. She looked puzzled. "Thank you for my Rockstar mom!", and I hugged her. Her eyes twinkled with tears. 

Friend Suggestion

Sia's phone beeped with a notification. She unlocked it to check and held it for a while in confusion. "What happened?" Kaya asked. "My therapist sent me a friend suggestion", Sia answered sounding distracted. Kaya was gaping at her with this casual revelation. It took a while for Sia to grasp Kaya's reaction. She explained, "It was a long time back. I was having recurring dreams of some childhood trauma which was very disturbing. I couldn't connect the dots hence had to see a therapist." She paused for a while but seemed like Kaya wanted her to spill more beans, so she continued. 

"I got separated from my family in a stampede when I was 2. In my dream all I used to see that someone was trying to hold my hand tightly but I fell on the ground, then somebody picked me up and took me in the opposite direction. The sound of me calling out my mother was deafening, even in my dreams. I had no idea what this dream was about until I spoke to my parents. The truth was a bit disturbing, but the therapy helped" Sia concluded with a smile. Kaya placed her hand on Sia's, "I am sorry you had to go through all that alone". "Not your fault, I wasn't ready to share this with anyone", Sia said with a consoling smile. 

"So what was that friend suggestion about?", Kaya circled back the topic. "I don't know, I'll have to call her and check". Sia started typing a text:

Hi Trish, Long time :) Hope things are going well! 

I was hoping to talk to you about the friend suggestion which you sent.

Sia's phone rang immediately, it was Trish. "Hey, Sia! Thank God you remember me". "How could I not? You have made a significant difference in my life," Sia's energy level shot up instantly. "I was wondering if you could come down to my office tomorrow, I can explain it to you over a coffee. Will that work for you?" Trish ended bit hesitantly. "Sounds like a plan, I'll meet you tomorrow morning for a coffee". "Great thanks! Will see you tomorrow then. Bye, take care". 

-----------x-----------

Sia was both anxious and excited as if going to meet a long lost friend. She wasn't wrong, Trish gave her a tight hug on seeing her, just like old friends do. "So to what do I owe you a visit?" Sia asked after some casual talk. Trish blinked her eyes and smiled, Sia had named it her "Twinkle Star Smile". "Sia, in my profession I have to maintain client confidentiality, but I am going to breach that today for the greater good. The person whom I suggested as a friend needs some help and I think you are the one who can help him" Trish paused for a while. "I am not sure I am following". 

Trish continued, "I remember you telling me during a session that you lost your diary on a city bus tour. I might be wrong, but this person found a diary on a city bus tour. The diary has an incomplete story, and that incomplete ending has given him a lot of anxiety, the anxiety of such an extent that he had to see me. I think that diary belongs to you. I know this is an odd ask, but if by any chance it is your diary and you have an end to the story, it can help someone." 

Sia took some time to sink all the information. She wanted to help but didn't know-how. The incomplete story was about her dream and her finding her way back to her family. The only missing piece was 'how', she would have written it only if she knew. What bothered her was that why this story's ending was so important for a stranger.

-----------x-----------

"Thank you for seeing me", Sia greeted Artav. "I won't beat around the bush, I understand that you are looking for the end of a story from my diary, frankly I do not have the ending, but why is that end so important to you? " Sia asked. Artav sighed and said " Your story is the story of my life, I lost my sister just as described in the story. All this while I have been just trying to figure out how can I find her, somehow I felt that the ending of this story could be my happy ending. I thought the story's end could explain to me how to find my sister". Artav found Sia lost in thoughts. He tapped the table slightly and said, " I am sorry I dragged you into this, but if you had to write an end, what would it have been? How does the family reunite?". "Friend Suggestion," Sia fumbled. 

The question

 Anuj mentally banged his head to the wall on seeing Anu on her knees. He barely got a chance to assimilate the good news and now the disaster awaited. Ideally, he would have resented Anu for stealing his thunder, but he was genuinely concerned for her this time. Worst was that Priya was as clueless as him as to what was happening. They were too late to stop it, both of them held their hands tightly dreading the conversation which was about to happen.

Anu picked up Priyansh's wallet from the floor and handed it over to him. Priyansh took it and thanked her. The grip of Anuj's and Priya's hand loosened in relief. Just when they thought that the disaster was over, Anu handed over the bouquet to Priyansh and said: "Thank you for organizing this and sorry I couldn't be there for the ….ceremony". Her voice almost dropped low with the last word. Priyansh like a jolly fellow took the bouquet and said: "It was a pleasure helping you ladies with this, and you don't need to be sorry. I have known you for years, if something hadn't been important you wouldn't have missed my engagement" and slightly patted her shoulder. "This my friend is too much, almost looks like a cover-up", he laughed looking at the bouquet. Anuj and Priya laughed awkwardly and after seconds of confusion, eventually congratulated Priyansh. "Thanks guys, but it is your day today, please don't share the limelight with me", he smiled humbly.  

Priyansh had to leave early. Other three spent time ambling their food on the plate silently. This must have been the quietest time they had ever spent together. While Anu's eyes were filled with sorrow, Priya's eyes were filled with anger as well as concern and Anuj's eyes, they were full of questions. But all of them knew that it wasn't the right place to talk about anything.

Priya stepped out to settle the bill and asked them to proceed to the parking. While walking towards the car, Anuj could no longer tolerate the awkward silence, so he finally popped the question, "Are you okay?" Anu knew that with him, there was no point in lying. Anu took a deep breath and started, "Priyansh is a really nice guy, I have known him for long. But I guess I took too long to process my feelings for him. By the time I realized it was too late". 

"Does he even know? And why didn't you share this before? I mean with Priya", words almost stumbled out of Anuj's mouth. Anu wiped her nose with the corner of her thumb and smiled, "I can share that with you as well. I learnt about it last week while you guys were on vacation. Fortunately, I saved myself from embarrassment by asking him to share the surprise first on that day. I would have been at a great loss if I had gone first. At least I have him as a friend".

"Why do you need him, when you have us?", Anuj tried to lighten the conversation.

Anu also slipped into comfort and teased him, "Because you always keep complaining about the third-wheel".

"As long as you agree to be the third-wheel instead of me, I am ok with it", and they both laughed.

Priya was listening to the conversation from a slight distance. She always wanted Anu and Anuj to gel up, but not at the cost of Anu's misery. She thanked God for the good things, then rushed to hug them. 

My bro Aru!

 

I was quite busy with some office paperwork, so engrossed that I did not even notice when Ma had returned from her evening walk. She came and sat on the sofa beside me and let out a huge sigh. "Tired" ? I asked without looking up. After a pregnant pause when I did look, I found her staring at the nearest wall which had our old black and white family pictures standing out on the bright wall. "Is everything ok Ma? Shall I make you some tea?" . I saw her eyes welled up when she finally looked at me. 

She looked away and started talking, "Today was bring your kids to club day. Mrs. Shah brought her dog and said she is my son", she ended the sentence with a chuckle. I placed a consoling hand on her hand and tried to cheer her up with my brightest smile. "Ma, you might still be young, but I am too old to accompany you to the club and to have grandchildren, you need to find a daughter-in law first, which is again too early to think about too", I chuckled. 

Maa shook her head indicating I got her wrong, "You are not getting my point Aarav, I don't want to rush you into marriage. It is your life, you know what to do better and when. I lived mine on my rules and encourage you to do so as well. All I want is……….is to be a parent again". I reeled back in shock at the end of her sentence.

"Age is just a number, have you decided to take this quote seriously? I do not intend to be rude, but sorry Ma, I do not understand your wish". Mom chuckled, "Oh Aarav! Your mom is crazy not insane. I want a dog, whom I can claim as my son at the club. No offense to you though", she said with a wink and we both laughed.

Till date, I may not be the son to be flaunted at the club, but my bro Aru, he has a great fan following there. 

Surprise!!

As Priya had declared, they were heading to meet Anu and Priyansh the very next day of their return. They decided to meet at their usual hang-out place, but to their dismay, their favourite spot was reserved for some surprise party. Anu and Priyansh were already there to break the sad news to them. Anuj is usually the one who doesn't like changes, but the new spot didn't bother him today. He was happy to onboard Priyansh to his end of the team.

They entered the café, Priya literally hopped the entire path sending excited vibes to Anu. Anuj rolled his eyes and reminded himself that ignorance is bliss. He shook hands with Priyansh and waved at Anu with a smile. He placed the car keys on the table and excused himself for a restroom visit. Priyansh followed his lead.

Anuj and Priyansh were washing hands at the basin, when Priyansh asked Anuj while looking at him in the mirror, "So, how does it feel "?  Anuj frowned slightly at this awkward restroom question. Yet he tried to play cool and said with a slight smile, " Fine! You tell, how long have you known Anu"? Priyansh was confused with this sudden change of topic but continued the chat. "It has been more than 7 years, we went to the same college". "Wow! It took you so long to get her to agree", Anuj gasped. "Agree for what?" Priyansh started but was interrupted by a phone call. "Excuse me, I need to take this", he signalled towards the phone and stepped out.

Anuj returned to the table, only to find it vacant. He sighed and called Priya. Priya answered in a singing tone, "We are at your favourite spot ". "But that was reserved". "Yes for us!". Anuj saw Priya waving at him and then he noticed a cake, and Anu holding a bouquet. He immediately panicked and asked Priya to step out for a private conversation. Priya gave in to the urgency in his voice.

"Is Anu planning to propose Priyansh? I don't think they are on the same page", Anuj said in a hushed tone.

Priya stepped back in shock and said a long "Noooooo".

"Then why is there a cake and a bouquet"? Anuj continued in a hushed tone.

Priya smiled at the confusion and said, "That is for you stupid! You are getting promoted", pausing almost after every word.

"Wait what? How do you get to know about my promotion before me"?

Priya widened her eye and then it dawned upon Anuj what she meant. He hugged Priya in excitement. "Shall we"? Priya took Anuj's arm and dragged speechless Anuj inside, only to find Anu on her knees in front of Priyansh. Anuj and Priya looked at each other in horror.   

PS: Fourth part is out here: The Question

Fourth wheel

Priya was sitting by the glass window, gazing at the distant mountains. The coffee in her hand had lost its warmth to the nearby frosted glass as if was in a hurry to meet the room temperature. Just then Anuj entered, he was delighted to see Priya lost in the view. "Liking the view? " he asked excitingly. He had done a lot of advanced planning and booking and was looking for some admiration in Priya's eyes. 

Priya gave a huge sigh, got up and stretched herself, turning her back towards Anuj. "I wish Anu was here", she said with a grin. Anuj couldn't gauge that she was trying to mess with him. He started defending himself by saying, "I had asked her, but…..but she said she had to cover for you at work". "Plus she needed a break from us", Anuj tried to sound convincing. "Or are you trying to say we needed a break from her?", Priya said in a fake serious tone. He couldn't meet her eyes, he stared at the carpet as if the cue cards of what to say next laid on the floor, meanwhile she chuckled.

"I am sorry, I wanted to spend some time alone with you. I am guilty of not asking Anu". 

"You are too cute Anuj, I was just pulling your leg". She came closer and wrapped her arms around him. Anuj gave an underconfident laugh, still not able to believe what just happened. Things got crazier when there wasn't even a single call to and from Anu during the vacation. Anuj couldn't simply digest this Anu-free time. On the last night of the trip his mind was racing, "I had a good time, but something is fishy. Did these two have a fight? Are they not talking to each other? Good for me. But no, Priya wouldn't have been so happy if it was a fight". He ultimately slept when he couldn't conclude his trail of thoughts. 

Next morning they were supposed to head back, Priya was shining bright like the morning sun, while Anuj was dull as night. Priya checked on him, "Aren't you happy? I guess we had a good time right?".

Anuj gave a distracted nod and went ahead to place their luggage back in the car. They drove silently for a while when Anuj finally broke the silence. 

"Is everything ok between you and Anu?"

"Yeah, why do you ask ?" she was surprised at the question. 

"You guys did not talk, I mean I did not see so you guys talking during the trip". 

"Even you can't get Anu out of your mind right?", she said jokingly.

"Do you remember how we met? " she asked after a pregnant pause.

"Yeah, I saw you eating alone at the cafeteria, blankly staring at the wall. I joined you to give you a company. Then we went for a walk as well and had ice-cream. This went on for a week. I believe Anu was on leave. But what's the point?", Anuj was not able to connect the dots.

"Well, just like I found you while Anu was away…….Anu found someone while I was away and I am too excited to meet them as soon as we get back",  Priya concluded with a squeak.

Anuj was excited with the news, he had to tone down before sharing his concern, "Don't you feel jealous?"

Priya swayed out the idea with her hand, "I was guilty of ditching her first, now we are even". Her voice dropped low with the last sentence.

 "By the way, who is the lucky guy?", Anuj tried to pull up the conversation.

"His name is Priyansh", Anuj's car screeched to a halt.

PS: Third part is out here: Surprise

Third Wheel

It was Friday night, as per ritual, Anuj was ready with the popcorn and lemonade for the Netflix chill. He called out to Priya in a singing tone, "We are all set". He shifted to one end of the couch and signalled Priya to take her seat. Priya made a puppy face and said, "Can I skip Netflix today? I would prefer reading ". Even though Anuj knew what she is exactly going to do in the room, he agreed. He deliberately kept the volume low, waiting for that moment to come and after a few minutes, it happened. He heard roaring laughter from her room. He dashed straight into her room, stood like a teapot with a grumpy face and said, "Is that Anu?". Priya immediately kept her phone aside.

--------x--------

Anu and Priya have been friends for years more than the fingers on a regular hand. Somehow by turns of events, they always landed up together. Same college, same job and now same project. People are so used to seeing them together that they are often addressed by a common name 'Anupriya'. People even joked about them getting married to each other because there was no scope for any guy to make space for himself in their lives. However, one poor guy Anuj fell in love with Priya. It is still a mystery, how Anuj managed to get married to Priya. Whenever someone asked Priya whom did she love more, she would say 'Anu' with a dragged syllable and add 'J' in the end based on the other person's reaction.

--------x--------

"Why can't you have this conversation with me?", Anuj started on a high note, then toning it down as if remembered something in the mid of his sentence. Priya was slightly clueless which conversation he was referring to. She stayed silent so that he could continue. "I understand that you have had a rough day, you could have discussed that with me as well". Priya was amused by this jealous revelation. "How do you know I had a rough day?", she asked. Anuj hesitantly confessed, "Anu messaged me to not mess with you today". Priya laughed, she felt blessed to have both of them in her life. Anuj continued, " I mean such warning messages are helpful, but she needs to get a life. She makes me feel like a third-wheel in our relationship. As if I am in a constant competition with her to get your love and attention. Whom do you love more?". Out of habit, Priya said, "Of course, Anuuuuuu" and added 'j' at Anuj's wide-eyed stare. She clicked her tongue understanding that now she would have to pacify him. She decided to distract him, "You have so many friends, why don't you introduce her to someone". Anuj took the suggestion seriously and started mentally analyzing his friends to spot a suitable match for Anu. "Ashish, no. Pankaj, no". After mumbling names of 5-10 of his friends appended by a 'no' he concluded, "It is difficult to find someone for her". His thought process was broken by the beep of the newly arrived message on his phone. It was from Anu:

"Get a life Anuj, stop discussing about me. PS: She forgot to disconnect the phone" 

PS: Second part is out here: Fourth Wheel

Rare breed

Akhil was scrolling through his phone while waiting for breakfast. There weren't any important emails, he kept his phone aside. After Aarav's birth, breakfast and dinners were the only time which Akhil and Shruti could find to talk. Akhil started, "Shruti, I might come home a bit late today, we have an office party, will you be able to come home by yourself". " Yeah sure", Shruti said while placing the bread in the toaster. She was a bit distracted, so Akhil cheerfully asked, "Aarav is having a sound sleep, what else is occupying your mind"? 

Ever since her maternity leave was over Shruti left half of her mind back home while she went to work. In no time her priorities had changed and she was trying to juggle between roles. Being a perfectionist, she was trying hard to meet her own standards.

"I was talking to Mom yesterday, she wanted me to convince Ria to get married".

"So, what is the concern"? Akhil asked interestingly.

"When I talked to Ria, she said she is unable to find her type, and when I asked her type she said that she wanted a feminist husband. I mean does she even understand that she is talking about a rare breed, where would she find one?"

Just when Akhil was about to say something Aarav's cry interrupted their conversation. Akhil wanted to talk about it but he knew it wasn't the right time, his gaze followed Shruti till Aarav's room until he was startled by the toasters bell. He went into the kitchen to prepare a toast for both of them.

Later that afternoon Akhil got a message from Shruti:

Shanta tai called. Aarav is not keeping well.

I am leaving from office early.

Might have to take him to the doctor. 

Don't worry I'll handle it.

Call me if you need me, and keep me posted.

      Will do, you enjoy your party :)

Thankfully Aarav's restlessness was because of the recent vaccination, nothing to worry about. However, Shruti had a hard time putting him back to sleep. By the time he slept, it was too late and she was extremely tired. She texted Akhil:

Situation under control, nothing to worry about, phew.

Btw, would you like to have some midnight snack? 

                I am too tired to cook, I'll order something.

                Let me know if you need anything.

Nah, I am good. Let me know what you want to have

I'll order. I have some App credits. 

Your regular or something else?

    Regular <3

Shruti moved out of the room tying her hair into a bun smiling to herself. Just then she heard a sound coming from the kitchen. She tiptoed to the dining table, there was tempting, good smelling, steaming hot food on the table. She grabbed a fork, even though the food on the table made the situation look less suspicious, she still wanted to be ready for some self-defence. 

When she entered the kitchen, she found Akhil carefully slicing the salad, totally unaware of her presence.

She went closer to him and gave an urgent whisper, "What on earth are you doing here? ". Akhil turned around as if caught red-handed doing something wrong. "You were supposed to be at the party". He took a deep breath and said, "I thought, while you take care of our baby, I could take care of mine". Shruti stared at him for a while, her eyes bit welled up. Poor Akhil, he wasn't prepared for this reaction. He was having a hard time too keeping up with Shruti's mood swings. He hesitantly asked, " Are you crying because you still have to do the dishes? ". 

Shruti looked up at the sink, he had clearly made a mess, but how could she get angry at such a gesture. She smiled, wiping her teary eye, nodded her head in a yes. "Don't worry we'll figure it out", he jumped in excitement after gauging her mood. He took her by the shoulder and made her sit at the table, placed a bowl in front of her stating, "Your regular, ma'am", and sat down beside her with his own. With his mouth half-filled with food he asked, "So do you think feminist husbands are a rare breed?", and they both chuckled.

You don't have depression!

I remember, once while in the park after a long silent walk, I told my friend that I think so that I am suffering from depression. Her immediate reaction was, "Are you mad? You don't have depression, you are just overthinking". I was simply not prepared for this reaction and had become defensive about my statement. She asked me why do I think so, then I told her that of late I just feel like crying anytime for no reason. All I want to do is sleep whole day and do nothing, I just drag my day doing everything without any motivation. A state I don't want to be in, but am unable to fix it. "Is it because of PMS?", was her next question. "How long do you think PMS can affect you? It has been more than two weeks that I had my last period", I retorted. I was getting annoyed and was regretting that I started this topic and now have to justify why I feel depressed. Her probing did not end there. She asked me whether I was having any trouble with my family, or at job or with any friend, and my answer to all of these questions was no. "Then what is there to be depressed about when nothing is troubling you? You just keep reading a lot about certain topics and then overthink. You might be temporarily sad and you are mistaking it with depression", she concluded.

Whether that phase of my life was depression or not, I still don't know. How did I cope with it, I don't remember. But I never mentioned it to anyone post that incident about how I felt. I don't know whether that phase will ever come back to me or not, but currently, I am not in that phase. But today I felt that this incident of my life could be an important message. Reading about Sushant Singh Rajput's suicide has left me in jitters. I went back to his Insta page to check his recent posts, to understand that whether there was a sign which no one noticed or everything was regular. The very latest one was where he was missing his mom. Then in one post in May, I found Sushant trying out a few things which I tried once to 'fix' my life sometime back.

View this post on Instagram

Of all the various approaches I’ve tried in the last few months, these meta skills have worked wonders with the best ROI of time :) 👇🏻 1. 7 hours of optimised sleep 💤 2. Regular meditation 🧘‍♂️ 3. Writing a journal. 🖊 4. Frequent Exercise 🏋️‍♂️ 5. Optimising digital time 🤳🏻 and 6. Intermittent fasting 😇 Try them, if you will, and share your secrets for upgrading quality of life! #eyeofastorm ⚡️

A post shared by Sushant Singh Rajput (@sushantsinghrajput) on May 4, 2020 at 10:55pm PDT

My point is, everyone says we should remove the stigma around mental health and should seek help, but there are cases where people do not even realize that they need help. Sometimes it gets too late by the time they or anyone else around them realize that they need help. 

BFF

To be honest, for me the concept of BFF was a bit surreal. Whenever I read an article, book or saw any movie on selfless love between friends I considered it as a hypothetical concept. But my life is full of U-turns. A lot of my theories and concepts changed after a few life experiences. And this hypothesis changed after I attended a college friend's wedding last week.

Background:

Vini and Pragya are best friends since college. I have seen them being there for each other in the oddest of circumstances having each other's back. I have seen their friendship grow stronger over the years where I saw them selflessly being present for each other. Despite all this, I always thought that this friendship may fade away a bit after college, after all, distance plays a role. Call it their law of attraction or a play of destiny, they landed up working in the same organization. A time when many of us grew apart, they got more time to nurture their friendship. Coincidently, their timing for higher studies even matched, both of them landed in the same college but different campuses. The plus point here was that both of them had an equally busy schedule hence had a fair understanding that if a call is being skipped, then the other person might be going through a similar shit which you might be going through. Here a similar situation kept them connected. My theory was failing but because I was not that connected with them I did not see it coming.

The Wedding Day:

Pragya was there to receive us. She had reached a few days earlier and was assisting both the sides in the preparation as she was a common friend. Looking at her interaction with anyone at the wedding, be it the groom's side or bride's side, she appeared more like a family member than a friend like us. Her priority was to help her bestie have that dream wedding with everything going smooth, even if that meant skipping meals or showing up in public in traditional attire with unfinished makeup. Her actions exactly resonated with the 'hypothetical' articles which I read about friends. I could see Pragya adorably looking at Vini every now and then and stating 'see how beautiful she looks'. I had always imagined a parent/guardian saying that for their daughter. She kept clicking Vini's candid pictures because she noticed cameraman missing capturing moments which Vini would have loved being captured. I remember when Pragya and I sat down for some time she told me about the groom's family and proudly concluded that she has handed over Vini in good hands. I laughed, not because I found it funny but because I saw my hypothesis shattering in an infinite number of pieces. And I was glad that it did.

Conclusion:

Ever since I had read Many Lives Many Masters by Brian Weiss, I strongly believed that few souls are connected from the past. Especially when the book says - based on true incidents, one has to believe it. This connection seemed like one. Even though I do not share such a connection with anyone, but I cherish the fact that I got to witness one. Secretly, I also wondered who would do such things at my wedding :P.

You are brave

Shweta was restlessly tapping her phone on her hand. She was afraid to step out of the glass door until her cab arrived. It was 1 AM and the availability of the cabs had dropped. Her hands were still trembling, all she wanted to do was to reach her room as soon as possible and maybe cry. The app still showed 15 mins ETA. Just then her phone rang, wherein she thought that it was a call from the driver, she saw a contact name flashing on the screen. She wasn't in a state to explain anything to anyone at that point of time but did not want to cause worry to anyone as well. Hence picked up the call and without even hearing anything from the other end stated in a soft monotone, ' I am still in the office, will talk to you later', and disconnected. She checked the app, still 11 mins ETA. Her restlessness grew with each passing minute. She almost skipped a beat when her phone rang for the second time as if she woke up from a nightmare. This time it was the driver, he enquired about the drop location and to Shweta's dismay cancelled the ride. On top of that, the app started showing 'NO CARS AVAILABLE'. She had already been through a lot today and this added to her misery. She tried to calm herself down and stepped out to look for an auto. An abandoned service lane welcomed her. While she was busy trying her luck again on the app, a car stopped right in front of her, she immediately took a u-turn and ran for the glass door in a panic, just when she heard her name in a familiar voice. She turned just to confirm and was relieved to see Kartik in the car. She first looked at the sky for a moment and sat down quickly in the car. 'You just thanked God for sending me, right?', asked Kartik in a cheerful voice. Shweta silently nodded in an agreement. 'By the way, how come you were still working in the office?', asked Kartik while starting the car. Just then he heard a sniff, and on having a close look at Shweta found out that she was crying and trembling at the same time. He stopped immediately. It was shocking for him to see Shweta like that and hence was unprepared to cope with the situation. He chose humour as his armour and said, 'I never knew that you were so desperate to go with the cab driver, you still have a chance'. With that said, he was expecting a slap on his shoulder from her and understood that something was wrong when that didn't happen. Now, he got worried and asked, 'Hey, what happened?'. Shweta had lost control of her tears, she couldn't hold them any longer. With gasping breathes she managed to say a broken sentence, ' I was stuck in the lift since 7 PM and then I could not find a cab, I thought I'll be stuck in office whole night'. Kartik understood the extent of her panic and hence did not probe her for further details. He let her cry and just handed over the tissue box to her. He had analyzed the situation in the best possible way and allowed anguish to flow from her eyes. He was the best person to know, that all she needs now was to reach home. He drove silently and stopped only at her place. Shweta was comparatively calm now, she had got her required 'me time'. But before Shweta left, he finally asked, ' Why didn't you call me earlier?'. 'Because I thought I was brave', Shweta sighed. 'How did you know that I needed help?', asked Shweta wiping her running nose. ' Because my brave lion did not roar', Kartik said with an underconfident smile, which soon brightened when Shweta reciprocated with a chuckle. That was Kartik's way of reinforcing her strength.

The secret to a happy life

Gotcha! If you have landed this page it means you are seeking happiness. Are you not happy with what you have, huh?

No please don't close the tab, I was just trying to be funny, to set the stage for happiness. I do have meaningful stuff to talk about. So please stay.

I just finished reading a book named IKIGAI, it holds the Japanese secret to a long and happy life. To quote from the book, 'The people of Japan believe that everyone has an IKIGAI- a reason to jump out of bed each morning'.

Do you think you have an IKIGAI? Or even you snooze your alarm daily like me and have that extra 10 mins of sleep?

If you are in the former category, please do not judge me. If you are in the latter category, I might have something for you. No biases though :P

I started reading this book hoping to make my life happy. But then I came across this: 'Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience. It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place'. 

I thought that by the end of the book I would have found my IKIGAI, as the book was supposed to be a guide. Reading the last page disappointed me, not because of the book but because I had still not found my IKIGAI. (Reading the book is still highly recommended). I closed the book, and started thinking while tapping the book, 'how do I find my IKIGAI?'. Just then it hit. No not the book, the idea! My answer was right under my nose, the back cover of the book.

You see, the intersection of these four circles is where I'll find my IKIGAI. All I have to do is fill those 4 circles and try to find the intersection points. That is something which the book cannot do on my behalf, I have to do it myself. But before I sat down to find my IKIGAI, I wanted to share my findings with the people. If I go by what the book says, that my IKIGAI can help me cross a century, then I would need my friends to live that long as well :)

So go and find your IKIGAI. Just in case you are too lazy to read the book, reach out to me, I can share beautiful extracts from there. If you found this useful, do share it. Even if it isn't useful, you can share this to annoy people ;). It is a win-win. Have fun, and thank you for stopping by. I hope you find your IKIGAI soon :)

Are you awake?

Isn't it annoying when someone wakes you up from your slumber and asks you, 'are you awake?'. 'No dude, I am just practising how to play dead'. This is the most sarcastic reply I have ever read in a meme. What if you are functional and doing some regular stuff, then someone comes and ask you a similar question, what will be your answer? 'Can't you see?', 'What sort of silly questions is this?' and other variations of these statements would be the probable answer. Well, some people can get creative as well :D. What did I do when I was asked this question?

I was in the cab, going to work when the RJ on the radio asked the same question. I rolled my eyes, smirked and thought, ' Hello! It is a weekday, people are supposed to go to work'. Then he continued, ' Do you know Delhi's groundwater will get exhausted by 2020? We have just 150 days of groundwater left'. Just then, my cab mate shrieked, not because of the revelation on the radio but because of the pond of water which caused the traffic jam ahead due to rain. 'How can we possibly run out of groundwater when we get enough rains to create a swimming pool on roads?', she shuddered. I couldn't logically answer her at that moment. All I could say, "Something needs to be done". "What can you do about this water logging? It is perhaps the government who should have planned the drainage system well. There would be many people out there thinking about what can be done while having their taps on during brushing of their teeth. How would you stop them?". "By scaring them", I said with a wicked smile. "Can you please explain?", she asked, already scared by the look on my face.

This is what followed, "I watched a  series a few days ago on a friend's suggestion. Although that series is a mixed bag of powerful messages and fiction, the water crisis scared me to hell. Just imagine potable water is a luxury which only a few could afford. Clouds are building up, but before you find shelter it rains and your clothes get stained as if you walked out of the coal factory. While you are walking and you just wish to wash away the sweat off your face, you stop by a public tap, only to find sewage water flowing out of it. Imagine using the same water used by others for bathing. We do have swimming pools, but what if that water has not been cleaned for long and you see moss growing on the walls of the tub. Gross right?  If this doesn't give you goosebumps, then go and watch the series, the visuals definitely will. If we continue the way we do now, that fiction may soon turn into reality. In fact, Chennai is already facing the crisis, only God knows what will follow."

"So you are suggesting that watching a series would solve a problem?", she laughed. "No, spreading the message across in a scary way will surely wake them up. Because people may not know how to live, but they certainly do not want to die."

PS: Just in case I awakened you, please contribute to saving groundwater. Here is what you can do at your end: https://www.groundwater.org/action/home/top10.html

A day in the metro

I forgot my earphones at home and my manners did not allow me to play anything on the speaker on public transport. I had already finished reading the book which I was carrying, during the onward journey of the metro. It was more than an hour-long journey and required two switches for my destination. I couldn't even doze off. With the dying battery of my phone, I had no option but to notice my surrounding. I took a good look at my fellow passengers, each one was either engrossed reading something on their phones or staring into the blank with their earphones on. I took a deep sigh. There weren't many people on board, so no interesting conversation to sneak into. I chose to stare at the window opposite my seat. I could see the lights running outside as if racing with the metro. After a while, I tried to focus on my reflection on the same glass window. I laughed at the delusion which the lights inside the metro create. One needs to shift focus to see what is outside or can use it as the mirror by obliviating the lights outside.

I got tired of watching the speeding lights, so I started focusing on my reflection. To keep myself entertained I started making faces as if there was a kid sitting in front of me. Since everyone else was engrossed in something, I thought nobody would notice me doing that. But then, I heard a chuckle. A kid came and settled himself right opposite to me and mimicked my actions. I was startled for a while and waited for someone to come rushing and take that kid back, but nobody showed up. When I started acting like an adult, the kid got bored with me and started moving to the other chambers of the train. My curiosity didn't let me sit either, thinking that the kid could be lost, I started following. The kid turned back and noticed that I was following, he smiled and continued to lead the way as if wanting me to follow. After crossing almost 3 coaches I lost him in the crowd. There seemed to be a commotion in this coach, something was lying on the ground and people had gathered around it. When I tried to peek in, it was the same kid lying on the floor. His mother frantically crying for help. I immediately sat down beside him and asked people around for the background. Someone filled me in, that the kid suddenly started coughing and then collapsed. Involuntarily my hands reached for his pulse and I found a candy wrapper in his hand. "He must have choked", I blurted instantaneously. He was losing his breath. I quickly checked, had anyone called the ambulance. Since we were underground, hardly anyone had any signals. I took out my water bottle and asked his mom to try to keep him conscious by sprinkling some water and then picked him up, keeping his upper body tilted. I didn't know what force was guiding me at that time but I remembered watching a video where an upward pressure on the stomach came to the rescue in a similar situation. An immediate first-aid was required to keep him breathing. I replicated the action from the video. He reacted with a gasp and started coughing. The candy was still blocking the breathing passage. Just then the doors of the metro opened. I hang him on my shoulder. More than half of his body tilting down and signalled his mother to follow. I became the human version of the ambulance asking everyone to move out of my way. It was while taking the stairs I heard a familiar weird sound and felt some hot liquid flowing down my back and the candy falling down the steps like a ping pong ball. I held him in normal position, his bloodshot eyes were blinking and he was breathing heavily. The jam in his body was cleared. I hugged him carefully, not to disrupt his breathing. He started crying seeing a stranger. So, I turned and handed him over to his mom. Just like her son, she got another life. I arranged for a cab for them and took leave. On my way back, I just kept wondering, when did he find time to swallow that candy.

The Storeroom

Psychology says that our memories change each time they are recalled. And the memories which aren't recalled are eventually forgotten.

Many of you will agree with me that storeroom doesn't just store your extra stuff, it stores nostalgia as well. A bundle of memories which have not just acquired dust in the storeroom but in our minds as well. Last weekend I spent most of my time cleaning my storeroom. I am the kind of person who has this weird habit of making random diary entries in any notebook which I catch hold of. If I have to write, I just write. So, while cleaning up the books section, I came across multiple such diary entries reading which I had multiple thoughts like, 'Oh God, this still bothers me', 'How naïve I was?', 'Ah! I have overcome this now', 'Nice, I never realized this was a letter to my future self'.

I even came across old pictures, diaries from school and college which were filled by n number of people during the last days. Almost everyone had mentioned that we'll stay in touch, some said we'll keep bugging you forever, and now I barely know their whereabouts. Reading them made me happy and sad at the same time. Some entries brought back joyful memories, and some memories I couldn't even recall. With reference to the above mentioned psychological fact, I thought that maybe I should clean my storeroom more often, so that if not the relation, at least I keep the memories alive.

No matter how tired I ended up cleaning the store, it was fun. The best part was when I shared those memories with those few people with whom I am still in touch, it was a joy for them as well. I am still not done re-reading those entries, there is a lot to remember :D.

The Alarm

My name is Saksham, I am 8 years old. Even though in your head I may sound like a kid, but I am a grown-up man. Even my Dadi thinks so. Every time when my Mom says that I am too young for something, my Dadi convinces her that I am a grown-up man. Though I do not have that prickly hair on my face like Dad, Dadi says I look handsome. Today I am taking Dadi out for shopping, and have assured Mom that I can take care of both of us, but she doesn't seem to trust me. She still sent Ramu kaka with us. We are out to buy a gift for Dadaji. Since he has a weird habit of asking about time all the time, so I suggested Dadi that we buy a digital wrist watch for him which calls out the time on the press of a button. Dadi thought my idea was brilliant, so she brought me along for suggestions. Dadi made me select the watch and said that if Dadaji doesn't like it, I could keep it. I selected a watch with all the features I liked, it had a call out time feature, alarm, stopwatch and a button to light up the screen in dark. I diligently learnt all the features from shopkeeper uncle, as if I was the one who was getting it.

Dadaji loved the watch, but he never stopped asking about time from Dadi. When I questioned him that why doesn't he use the watch's feature, he said that he likes listening to Dadi's voice. When Dadi left, he stopped asking the time, he never asked for it, even from the watch. The day Dadi left, he just asked me to set up a daily alarm for 8 PM in his watch, which I did. Everyone tells me that Dadi doesn't live with us anymore because she was angry with us. But, I am a grown-up, I know that Dadi isn't alive. What surprises me is that Dadaji behaves like a kid. Every evening after the alarm, he asks me to take him to the balcony. He would watch the sky and tell me that Dadi is there. I tried to explain to him that it was the Pole star which he was pointing to and it was there even before Dadi left. He would laugh at me every time I explained that and would say, you'll find me beside her when I am gone.

I am 12 years old now, wearing the watch which I wanted to wear 4 years ago. The alarm beeped at 8. I stepped into the balcony and can't help but notice another bright star near the Pole star. Maybe it was always there, even before Dadaji left, but I noticed it today.  

Coffee, with love

"Here is your coffee, with love", Maa said while placing the mug on the table. I was intently reading a book in the balcony, but was startled by the expression "with love". So I looked at the coffee first, it had a cute heart floating at the brim, then I looked at Maa who had a kid like smile on her face waiting for her art to be appreciated. "You seem to be happy today ", I remarked with a big grin. "Why shouldn't I be? Mauka hai, aur dastoor bhi ", she delivered the dialogue in Mughal style. I laughed and the took a sip of my coffee. It felt like a magic potion which can heal you to the core. I stood up and gave her a bear hug and said, "You make the best coffee in the world, I love you". Mom was a bit surprised with this sudden display of affection, but before she could say anything Dad entered saying, " Jee karta hai is coffee banane wale k haath choom lun ", and we all laughed. This happy feeling was new and ecstatic. This was the best I could have as my birthday gift.

I got ready to go out, but today for a change I hugged my parents before leaving and reminded them that they had to meet me at the restaurant sharp at 8. "You know how much I hate waiting, so be on time, bye". As soon I stepped out of the door, a sinking feeling grabbed me.

It was 8:15, I was waiting outside the restaurant. I got a call from an unknown number, but couldn't hear anything because an ambulance was passing by and it got disconnected right after. As per my habit, I prayed that the person in the ambulance stays safe. It was 8:30 now and my parents were still not there. I called Maa because Dad must be driving, she did not pick up. After 3 attempts, I got worried, it was the return of the same sinking feeling. I eventually called Dad, an unfamiliar voice picked up the phone. I could feel myself crying even before he said anything because I could hear the ambulance sound even when it was not around. It rained, it rained very heavily that day.

"Coffee? ", a colleague asked, shaking me off from my thoughts. " No thanks, I don't drink coffee anymore".

How strange it is that some incidents take away with them even the most special things from you. That day I did not just lose my parents, I lost my love for reading, for coffee, for rain and birthdays. These things only reminded me of the tragic day. I stayed away from them as far as I could, I even changed my city, removed my birthday from social media, stopped wishing people birthdays. People around me found me weird, nobody knew why I was like that. I hardly had friends at this new place, my dark side made me conservative.

One day I got stuck in office, because it rained heavily, within a few hours the roads were blocked. I was one of the last few left in the office, as I couldn't book a cab. Of all the people left in the office, it was only Shalini who was known to me. She was one of the most talkative colleague I had, so I stayed away from her. Shalini noticed me getting anxious over not being able to book a cab. She came up to me and said bit hesitantly, "I live nearby, we can walk up to my place and you can stay overnight if you want to". I had no choice, so I agreed. "Great, let me help you pack your stuff. I was waiting for you only", she said in a super excited tone. Even though it felt awkward, but I felt overwhelmed by her gesture. All the while we walked, she kept on talking and kept checking whether I was still following or not. She told me how she felt intimated by me initially and all the other stuff she could think of. After a while, I lost hold of what she was talking about. Just when we were about to enter her building, I heard an ambulance. I started shivering, a sharp pain emerged in my chest as if someone had hit me really hard. Shalini turned around and saw me stoned, she held me by my hand and dragged me in and said, "Don't hesitate, think it as your own home". My mind started replaying the accident which I had never seen. Shalini handed over a towel to me and told me that she'll make coffee for both of us. She was completely oblivious of my state of mind. Her stories went on and on. After a while, she came with a cup of coffee and while handing it over to me, she said, "Here's your coffee, with love". I was about to tell her that I don't drink coffee anymore but in the mid of the sentence I stopped and asked, "Wait! What did you just say?". "Here's your coffee, with love", she repeated with a smile. I looked at the coffee first, a heart was floating and then to her, she had the same child-like smile which Maa had. For the first time in 3 years, I remembered that last happy moment which I had with them. I smiled with teary eyes. Shalini noticed the tears after a while and asked with a sad face, "Is the coffee that bad?". She made me crack after a very long time. "This is the best coffee in the world", I said raising the cup high in the air. "Really!! Thank you, thank you", she said funnily while taking a bow, and we both laughed. That day I realized, that I was clinging to all the wrong memories all this while. I found a friend as well as I found myself back that day. Most importantly I found the secret ingredient to the world's best coffee: love.

The fish castle

It was a cloudy morning. I woke up all exhausted even after 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My energy levels were down as if my body was running on reserve mode and needed some fuel. I had skipped my dinner which could have been a possible reason for the low. I dragged myself out of bed and placed a vessel to prepare my magic potion which keeps me alive each day. I allowed my coffee to brew for a while so that the aroma fill in the aura and make me feel good about at least something. While brushing my teeth I remembered that I was done with all sorts of human interaction last night and fell asleep while crying myself to the pillow. The splashing of water on my face brought me out of my thought. I had not realized that I had unconsciously completed one of my daily chores. Like a sloth, I moved to the kitchen and served myself the coffee. I took a sip, it did not feel good, after a long time I felt the need to have some sugar in my coffee. This again made me cry. I realized that I wasn't ready to face or talk to anyone today, so I took sick leave.

I stood in the balcony with my coffee, pitying myself with each sip. Suddenly something came flying and got stuck to my face. It was a leaf, I looked at the plants, they were happily dancing in the wind. It appeared as if they had sent the leaf to grab my attention. I smiled and realized how oblivious I was to the beautiful weather since morning. I got myself ready for a walk at the beach. It appeared to be an ideal day for some me-time.

I started walking by the shore, trying to trace a straight line by my foot-prints. Slowly I increased my pace and started running. I felt like one of those old scooters which we had to push sometimes in order to start its engine. After making my heart do some hard work, I sat down at a corner. For some reason, it felt good. While I was waiting for my heartbeat to sync down with the rhythm of the calm sea, I spotted an ice-cream vendor and my sweet tooth returned. I tried to deviate my mind by looking elsewhere.

While I was staring at the waves without blinking an eye, my view was interrupted by the entry of a kid. The kid's tiny feet were sinking in the sand and it felt like he was hopping. He was carrying a small red bucket and a shovel from some toy-set. He seemed very familiar but I couldn't recall how. He sat down right in front of me and started collecting sand in his bucket. I closely watched his actions. It seemed interesting and I also wanted to play with the sand but something held me back. He called out to me asking whether I wanted to join. As if he read my mind. I smiled and quickly reported to his service. I asked him what he was trying to build, he said a castle for the fish. It felt like a deja-vu moment. I remembered saying the exact words to someone before. While building the castle I asked him, why was he building a castle so close to the shore, the waves would destroy it easily. He smilingly said that is the way you look at it. According to me, if the fishes like my castle they will take it with them under the water and live there happily. I was stunned by his answer. After we were done with the castle-build I offered to buy him an ice-cream. His eyes twinkled. He lovingly followed me to the vendor. I ordered an orange bar for myself and when I looked down to ask his preference, he vanished. When I asked the vendor where did the kid go. He laughed at me and informed me that I came all alone.

I took the ice-cream and walked away with a smile. I was returning as a different person. Had I been the person who came to the beach this morning, I would have started googling reasons for hallucinations. But this new me just thought that my past came to the rescue of my present.

The Chosen One

Anisha woke up breathing hard. She was sweating, while on the other hand, Aniket still had his legs curled under the cozy blanket. She checked the time it was 4 AM, "3 more hours to go", she thought to herself. She drank some water and tried to calm herself down. This was not for the first time she woke up so startled. She had been having such nightmares ever since she got to know that it was her last chance.

Anisha and Aniket were childhood sweethearts who got married 10 years back. For Anisha, it was a dream come true, to have a happy family with Aniket. Over the years they had been trying to complete their family, but life's plans were bit different than theirs. They tried everything possible they could do, of which IVF was their last resort. They had just enough savings to afford the procedure only once. They knew that the process is successful only 40% of the times. So they took every precaution and suggestion very seriously. Anisha even resigned from her job to keep herself away from stress. She did not want to be a part of the 60% of the population. Little did she know, how the law of attraction works.

No matter how much anxious Aniket was, he could never afford to sail the same boat with Anisha for this matter. He knew that it will only drown both of them. He always rescued Anisha from drowning and was mentally prepared for the worst this time as well.

The alarm beeped only once and it was shut. 7 AM it was, but today Anisha was about to end her nightmare. They got ready and rushed for their most beautiful dream to come true. Right before the paper-work, Anisha was taking a stroll in the babies ward, wondering how could someone abandon the best gift from God. Each beautiful face was either sound asleep or lost in its own world. With each step, her emotions were building up. Suddenly one of them started crying, Anisha looked around for help, but couldn't spot one. She began rocking baby's cradle and resisted the urge to hold the baby, but not too long. In the absence of help, she picked up the baby and tried to comfort it. When the nurse finally arrived, Anisha apologetically handed over the baby to her. Right before the transfer, the baby held Anisha's finger very firmly, where neither of them was willing to let go. Anisha's heartbeat rose, she almost skipped a beat when she heard her name being called out. It was Aniket calling her for the paper-work.

Anisha had made up her mind, she knew who will be her kid. When she returned home with the baby, she asked Aniket, "Do you know why all this happened to us? ". Somehow Aniket exactly knew what she was asking about, but was curious to know the answer from her, so he lovingly asked, "Why?". "Because I was the chosen one", she said while smiling at the baby.